What are you looking at?

I hate fear.  It leaves me feeling weak, helpless, and without a sense of control.  A few weeks ago the kids and I went on our annual summer road trip.  While near Las Vegas we decided to go see Hoover Dam.  I'm not comfortable with heights, but I wanted to drive over it to prove that I could do it, push through the fear.  As we drove across I was rather surprised how easy it was to do.  I was feeling confident and strong so we decided to get out and walk on the dam.  As we neared the wall I saw how low the wall was and I started getting nervous. Then my eldest started leaning over to take pictures and my younger two tried standing on tip toe to see better.  I went into a panic and before we made it halfway across the dam I made them turn back.  All the confidence and strength was gone; now I only felt failure. All the logic in the world couldn't get me to keep walking across that dam.I could drive on it because I was in control.  I could probably have walked on it aone as well.  However, I couldn't control the kids.  Once they started leaning on the wall or getting to far ahead of me the panic set in. I wasn't leaving them in their Father's hands.
Google "fear quotes" and you will see thousands of sayings from people how to conquer fear.  Probably every leader and famous person has at one time or another addressed fear.  In the Bible God tells us at least 80 times to not be afraid.  Does that work though?  Can we conquer our fears just by sheer will?
In the Bible we read stories of armies going out to battle armed with their bows or swords.  If the army they are meeting is stronger or bigger what happens?  They drop their weapons and flee. Whether our fear is tangible like heights or spiders or more intangible like fear of failure or death God wants to be our weapon. If we focus on the enemy we'll drop our weapon and flee. It's only through a deep connection with God that we can push through and be victors.  Not our strength, but His.
Isaiah 41:10 says "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand"

The phrase "do not be dismayed" means to gaze anxiously about.  We start focusing on our fears and try to find a way out on our own.  The latest self-help book, a weapon, or tool.  We don't like to fear so we find a way to control instead.  However all God wants us to do is rest in His hand.  "I will uphold you" He says.  "I will strengthen you" He promises.  

Romans 8:31 should be our battle cry: What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? 

Letting Him take control

Today I had to go to Denver to pick up my daughters.  I love driving and it started out promising.  The sun was shining and the roads were clear.  Just as I left the city the clouds closed in on me.  I could hardly see the car in front of me and the wind was blowing snow across the road.  I couldn't turn back, I had to get my girls picked up.  I didn't know what the roads were going to be like in front of me but I knew I had to trust God did.  I prayed a quick prayer.  I'm really  not quite sure what I prayed.  I was so focused on keeping the car on the road I couldn't focus on anything else.  I said something about taking control and helping me find the right path. I passed a number of accidents, one had just happened and the emergency vehicles were behind me coming up to the scene.  I felt a surreal sense of peace.  One one hand I was tense, and nervous with my hands clutching the wheel and yet I also felt like I wasn't in control I was simply at the wheel.  As I neared Denver I saw another accident blocking the left lanes.  I slowed to veer around it and as I did the fire truck blared his horn and angled out behind me.  They had just shut the highway down, I was the last one through until the accident was cleaned up.  I couldn't believe how close that had been.  God's timing is impeccable, that was the only thing I could think of.  True to Colorado weather patterns that change in the blink of the eye this storm suddenly cleared right after I hit the city lines.  I breathed a lot easier after I got off the highway and once I had my girls back in my care again. We enjoyed the rest of the now sunny day driving around Denver.
Driving home on that same stretch that was now sunny, dry and clear I was thinking how differently it could've turned out. I learned to drive in Michigan weather.  What if I had put my trust in my abilities instead? It reminded me of the story about Jesus calming the storm.  I can relate to the disciples when they were in the boat during the storm.  They were raised at sea and were professional fisherman.  Why shouldn't they be able to control the boat in the storm?  Why would they need to wake Jesus since they had everything under control.  Yet, they didn't have it under control, they were in danger of sinking and couldn't save themselves.  They needed Jesus.  Often in our daily lives we want to be in control, make the decisions and plot out the course for our lives.  The problem is we can't.  We don't have the big picture, we don't know the future.  God does and if we allow Him to take control our journey will be better.  He never promised easy, just He'd bare our burdens.  He never promised no problems, just that through it all we could have peace.  Peace in the storms of life knowing He was in control.  Just like He slept peacefully in that boat knowing He was in His Father's care we can travel life's roads peacefully knowing we are in His care too.

Taking off the mask

Last Saturday my daughter decided to hide while we were out hiking. She has Asperger's and from what we can understand it seems to stem from this deep desire she needs to feel wanted.  Having so many people searching for her some how fills this need.   I've been truly humbled this past week to have had so many people reaching out to my family to offer words of encouragement, prayer and support.  In the process I learned something even more beautiful.  We aren't alone.  While I cannot say I'm glad that this struggle with my daughter has been all over the media outlets I am glad for the changes it has brought.  In the process of trying to reach to us I heard from each person a pain, a hurt, a struggle they deal with.  Something they too try to handle alone.  So often we feel that we have to put this mask on for the world to see that we are in control and have our lives together.  No matter the reality we want people to see this.  Not only does this a disservice to ourselves but actually to those around us as well.  Think about it.  You are your harshest critic, but who are you comparing yourself to?  Those masks you see around you.  You don't really know the hidden secrets of that person's heart, you see a mask they put on when they step outside their home.  So you feel inept, weak, and guilty.  It leaves you wondering why you can't be as good as those people.  This is the work of the devil.  He feeds those lies and will do whatever he can to distract you and get you to take your eyes off Jesus.  For this moment in time I was given the privilege to see behind those masks and see I am not the only one struggling.  In my devotion time God pointed me to Galatians 6:2 We are advised to help carry each other's burdens.  God has given us a circle of people around us to help us bear our burdens and so we can support them as well.  By taking off the masks and allowing those around us to truly see our weaknesses they can feel safe to take off their own masks as well.  Through this process we can disarm the devil and his ploys and learn to grow into the people Christ needs us to be.

Stepping Stones or Building Blocks

2 years ago today was the Great East Japan earthquake.  Japan is well known for seismic activity.  People were well prepared for that.  From the stories I've read and people I've talked to it appears that almost none of the deaths were attributed to the actual earthquake.  The vast majority of the deaths happened in the resulting tsunami the earthquake triggered.  The tsunami was larger than anything they had prepared for.  It smashed the breaker walls and swept away evacuation centers set in places assumed to be safe. 
So often when tragedy strikes or events happen that we aren't prepared for we blame God and build walls blocking Him out.  Bad things will happen, even to good people.  We live in a sinful world and it effects all of us.  Instead of allowing it to pull us away from God angry and hurt we need to praise Him more!  Romans 8:31-39 is one of my favorite passages.  It says:
³¹ What shall we then say to these things? If God be for us, who can be against us?
³² He that spared not his own Son, but delivered him up for us all, how shall he not with him also freely give us all things?
³³ Who shall lay any thing to the charge of God's elect? It is God that justifieth.
³⁴ Who is he that condemneth? It is Christ that died, yea rather, that is risen again, who is even at the right hand of God, who also maketh intercession for us.
³⁵ Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?
³⁶ As it is written, For thy sake we are killed all the day long; we are accounted as sheep for the slaughter.
³⁷ Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us.
³⁸ For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come,
³⁹ Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
 Nothing can separate us from God!  Nothing!! Unless we choose to look away, walk away, or turn away He will never leave us nor forsake us.  Instead of building walls we need to be using life experiences as stepping stones to fortify our path to Christ.  We need to remember God isn't the enemy but the ally.

Bread and water assured

I love home made bread.  Usually I put all the ingredients in my machine at night before I go to bed and set the timer so it's done just in time for breakfast in the morning.  For me, there is nothing better then fresh, warm bread with honey drizzled on it.  Yum!!
It also makes me feel so humbled and grateful to our amazing God the way He provides for us.  Throw some water, honey, butter, salt, oats, yeast and flour in my machine and almost like magic the next morning is a beautiful loaf of bread.  I'm fairly new to making bread so not every loaf comes out perfect, or rises well, but at least it's always edible.
 Living on a fixed income money gets very tight.  Yet I know without a doubt we will never go hunger.  God always provides.  The other days I thought we were out of food and had no way to buy anything.  However while searching the fridge and cleaning it out I found a handful of peppers and some other veggies. I also found $10 in my wallet.  So I went out bought a few ingredients and supper that night was bread, cheese, and veggies.  Full tummies and healthy foods!  God is so good.  Last night I found a bit of vital wheat gluten so I used this recipe Vegan Dad: Veggie Lunch Meat It is a great homemade vegan meat without all the additives and the price tag that comes from the store bought options.  I also have created a vegan cheese sauce that I use in place of cheese.  Now, we have lunch for today.  Day by day God never fails.
It is easy to say God will provide, but as humans we still tend worry and work find solutions on our own.  I can imagine the Widow of Zarephath felt this same worry and stress.  When Elijah asked her for some bread she told him she had just enough for one last meal for herself and her son.  A heathen woman, in the heart of Baal worshiping country.  Her god wasn't listening, he wasn't helping her.  She was ready to give up and die.  Yet God still knew who she was, and still loved her and wanted to provide for her.  Amazingly, this woman did as requested and made Elijah food first.  The Bible doesn't say she was rewarded for her faith with a suddenly full cruse of oil and jar of flour.  It simply states the jar wasn't used up and the oil never ran dry.  It still was an exercise in faith to trust that daily that they would have enough.  However that faith was all God asked for. 
Psalm 55:22 says "Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken."
1 Peter 5:7 says "Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." 
We serve a God of love, a God who is intimately involved in our daily lives and never leaves us alone.  How thankful I am for such a wonderful God!  

All in Perspective

When I was a child I spent a week every summer at summer camp.   I would always exchange addresses with new friends at the end of the week so we could write and stay in touch until the next year.  A few friends I stayed in contact with year after year.  As the time drew near for camp we would try to plan meeting at camp, getting in the same cabin, or into the same classes.  It wasn't easy.  Send a letter out, wait a week, get a letter back and repeat.  It always seemed to take "forever" to get a reply. There really wasn't much you could plan out anyway.  You didn't know who the counselors were ahead of time, so how could you plan which cabin to be in.  You could hope to have certain classes, but couldn't pick them out until you arrived to register and if your time was later in the day it might fill up. 
Now my daughter attend summer camp every year.  Enjoying the same youth camp I enjoyed.   Yet things have changed quite a bit.  Thanks to texting, facebook, and online registration my daughter now knows months in advance which cabin she's going to be in, who her counselor is and which classes she is going to take. Sometimes when she is in the planning stage with her friends she will get frustrated when someone doesn't text back right away. As if it could ruin the whole summer if she didn't get a response the same day! We have gotten so accustomed to this fast paced world with instant gratification.  It's no wonder so many grow weary of waiting for Christ's return and give up. 
Revelation 22:12 says "Behold, I am coming soon! My reward is with me, and I will give to everyone according to what he has done." Yet what is "soon"? People have been waiting for 2000 years for Christ to return. 
Hebrews 11 talks of the giants of faith and in verses 36-40 it says:
36 Some faced jeers and flogging, while still others were chained and put in prison. 37 They were stoned; they were sawed in two; they were put to death by the sword. They went about in sheepskins and goatskins, destitute, persecuted and mistreated-- 38 the world was not worthy of them. They wandered in deserts and mountains, and in caves and holes in the ground. 39 These were all commended for their faith, yet none of them received what had been promised. 40 God had planned something better for us so that only together with us would they be made perfect.
None of them received what was promised, they died waiting for the promises given to them.  They died holding on to the faith of someday.  Can you imagine Adam and Eve, living for almost 1000 years watching the world degrade because of their mistakes, and yet still waiting for the promised coming of the Messiah? How can we, with such great examples not have the same fortitude to wait?  Whether it happens in our lifetime or not God promised to return and He will!! 
For me it gives new meaning to Isaiah 40: 31 But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew [their] strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; [and] they shall walk, and not faint.  Being willing to be patient and wait for God's promises, trusting His timing to be perfect will strengthen us.  It'll renew us and give us the energy to keep pushing onward. Not just in waiting for His return, but in all promises He's given to us. We have to trust His plan, and His timing.  When we rush ahead or try to do what we can to help fulfill His promises often we end up stepping out of His plan.  Enjoy the day, enjoy the moment.  Instead of rushing to and fro take some time to stop and simply thank the Lord for what has been given you at this time. 

The Rock

In 1994 the International Pathfinder Camporee was held in Morrison, Colorado.  That was my first trip to Colorado and I knew in my heart this state would someday be home.  Since that trip I held onto a rock I picked up at Red Rocks amphitheater.  It was the paperweight on my desk or a dust collector with other knick knacks on the shelves.  A constant reminder of something God has shown me would happen someday.
Over the next 16 years life went on. I graduated high school, gave birth to my daughter 9 months later.  Got married and had 2 more kids.  We moved quite a bit, but never really left Michigan.  Then we were transferred to Japan and lived there for 3 years. 
In 2010 I filed for divorce from my husband and wanted to find a place to start over.  I was taking classes online at the community college of Denver so I took a look at the housing around Denver and quickly ruled it out because it was too expensive. Then the Lord intervened.  As I was trying to register for the next semester of classes nothing was working out.  They kept losing my paperwork, or not getting it at all.  I'd mail them the paperwork needed, they didn't get the email.  I'd fax it to them and the fax machine came up with an error message.  Over and over for about a month no matter what we tried something went wrong.  I needed to get those classes done, so I finally decided to fly to Denver and straighten it out in person.  Being back in Denver I was reminded of the beauty of this state and the sense of home that I felt being here.  That winter, our first one back in Michigan, was terrible!  We had been in Japan for 3 years and had been used to mild winters.  I was not prepared to drive in snow.  So in January 2011 we packed up the van and hit the road.  18 states and almost 10,000 miles in about 6 weeks.  We wanted to see where we could enjoy winter again.  Of all the states we visited it came down to the ones in the southwestern region: Colorado, New Mexico, Arizona, and Southern California.  We made a 2nd trip to Colorado in May of 2011 and 2 months later we were following a big yellow moving van full of our belongings heading to Colorado.
I had to borrow the money from my parents to cover the moving expenses.  Even after we got here we were homeless for 6 weeks.  Yet I knew where the Lord wanted to be and I chose to follow.  In the 1 1/2 years we have been here we have made so many friends.  We are blessed with 2 amazing church families and an awesome home school support group. For the first time in my life the gypsy spirit in me doesn't feel it has to wander so much.  Instead we take a hike into the mountains and enjoy the day in God's creation.  I love it!
Deuteronomy 32:4  says He is the Rock, His works are perfect and all His ways are just. A faithful God who does no wrong, upright and just is he.
Life is messy, stuff happens.  We can be distracted and sometimes out of fear or stubbornness we make the wrong choices.  Yet God's plan never changes.  His plan is for us to draw closer to him, and show those He brings into our lives who God is.  We need to remember to hold onto the Rock and focus on His plan. He never promised His path would be the easiest, but when God is for us who can be against us?  (Romans 8:31)